It cant be!!!!!!

its hard for me to accept the fact that it all have to end... it hurt me so bad... poison my mind... pierce my heart... dumb my ears... swollen my eyes...

till now i dunno wat to do... to move on or jus stay as wat i am rite now... or maybe even worst... i simply lost everything.. i lost my self.. i lost my happiness.. i lost my love... i lost the person that i wish he could be mine eternally... i lost everything... how i wish i could never meet up with him yesterday... how i wish we would never go out for treat after the fight.. how i wish i could jus carry on wat we used to be... how i wish i could never bring up the topic again yesterday... how i wish i dun have to be like this..

i love him with all my heart... i care for him... i adore him... but he choose to leave... totally pierce thru my heart... OUCH!!! i almost go insane ... i begged... i pleaded... i forced... i cried... i shouted.. i called his name... but still he dun want to change his mind... i dun want him to go.. i dun want him to leave like this.. i need him.. i want everything back.. i want my happiness back.. i want my misery yet meaningful life... i miss all that... i miss everything...

its easy for him to say leave him.. forget abt everything... move on with life... easier said than done.. nobody understand wat i feel rite now... nobody noe wats on my mind.. nobody noes anything... since from the start i was not being trusted by anybody... i tell the truth, ppl still could believe me.. nobody give me the strength.. nobody even give me a single CONFIDENT in me... ppl always think i'm weak.. ppl pushed aside my help.. ppl never appreciate my effort... nobody treat me as an adult... nobody even think that i got feelings too...

all this while i've been happy... i've been putting up smile... i make ppl laugh.. i make ppl happy.. i help them in their life.. i do anything for ppl.. but do they even noe how it feel to face everything n not getting any help for others... I've try to stand on my own... but i'm still weak.. i try to move on, but too many thing happened in the past...

my life is totally meaningless rite now.. my life is ruin by a guy named NASRUDDIN... not putting fault on him... but y cant he simply accept me as who i am... y cant he give the confident in us.. y cant he feel my strong love... y cant he appreciate wat i've done for him.. y cant he use all that to think everything all over again... y nas? y?...

i told u i'll change once we r together but u simply trash my words aside... without even give a chance for me to prove it to you... you totally dispiss me... you totally lose hope on me... you totally shutting us down... not that i want sympathy from you... not that i need your money... not that i need your entire life... i jus need you... you yourself noe how hard it is to leave someone you love... you yourself couldnt be sure if you'll regret with the decision... you yourself couldnt be sure that you could even get the same treatment that i've given u... so wats more do u need?...

i'm here been waiting for 4 years... giving you everything u desire.. do anything you want me to do.. i try to make you happy.. i try to lessen your burden.. everything i do, i do it for you, nas.... not a single thing in my life, i being selfish to do it for myself only... u mean so much to me... i could bare losing you tis time... forgetting you mean hating you... i cant bare to hate you nas... my love is too strong... i love you nas... i really do...

i beg you... please give me a chance... please give me the opportunity to understand n bare everthing with you... nas, i'm willing to suffer jus to be with you.. suffer mean nothing to me anymore... you r afraid that i'll suffer... u dun have to... i'm willing to face it... i want it this way, so i have to face it calmly...

Forgive me Nas!!! Please Be With Me!!!! I Need You In My Life!!!!!