i think n think

wel i gues the letting go process didn't really work on me... coz my feeling is too strong for him... i really love him... now i understand that all this while the reason i keep on pestering him to be with me is becoz i need him... i really do...
 
for the past few days, i've been trying to keep everything to myself... been trying not to kol him... jus to find out whether he really need me or not... wel i gues so not... but one think for sure, i'm being to over paranoid... coz even wen he's sick, i nag... even wen he didnt talk on the fone, i'm pissed... even wen he dun want to meet me, i'm thinking negetively...
 
haiz... sometimes i ever wonder how long i have to stand this process of being together... its killing me coz i want him... i dun want him to betray my trust, my love, my affection n everything that i gave to only him... like i once said i only need him to tell me his whereabout... n i gues now i jus need him to eventually be more respondive towards our conversation...
 
n yah sometimes he did give me a surprise conversation or question... for sometimes i tot i never that he do care for me... for the past months or weeks been together, he's been giving me a cold shoulder... sometime he care, sometimes he dun...
 
but now i gues i'll give him time on his own... wel not really he go his way, i'll go my way... hei i'm here trying my best to understand his situation... i want to be the best for him... trying to be the one... never been that easy ok!.. .so i hope he will understand my effort n i'll understand y he's doing thing this way...
 
haiz... i really miss those days... on how i wish things will go back to those days.. .

Still the same old complicated us...

wel there's nothing much i could say abt us... i still dun understand y we have to go thru this.... fights over n over again... but luckily not as before la... after all the talking thru... my goodness.. thing never change...

yes i did expect some changes here n there... damn we r no longer a kids... i want to make the relationship a serious one... the patience can't wait... the journey still long.. the outcome is outregous...

i really love him... i really need him... but i dun need to be push aside jus like that rite... its totally unfair.. n now i gues i'm turning out to be him... just like him... even though i didnt intend to hurt him by nagging... its jus my way of living... nwat till now he dun noe that i'm like that... if i cant bare waiting for him like a fool for 4 years... y cant he simply understand my way o expectation in relationship...

i dun want to be the weird couple eventhough we r rite now... people r giving up... even me r giving up too... i dun want this loving feeling change into hatred...

lately been feling weird... feeling sad... feeling afraid(again)... haiz.... i dunno wat to do... i cant bare carry on like this...

Seems like it have change!

recently been having a good nice talk with him... wel eventhough it all started of with me... having me to eventually have to crack out my brain... n have to burst tears...

like i said before... my mind seems to be thinking alot... totally alot...

so after asking him questions n in a way i got the answers... i gues i'm abit ease... enlighten... relief...

like i said all i need is a confirmation from him... whether he's going to be with me or not... n unexpectedly, he said wouldnt be too fast... so can i assume that it going to be a yes... but den keep on asking... he said no... jus becoz i said if its a no... maybe there could be a miricle... idiots since wen he jus follow wat i say...

but towards the end, everything being covered up... wel started off wen he said he trying to change.... i understand by that... i'm willing to help... but i dunno....

i gues its not that i'm freak out coz he wanted to change for the good.. but i gues i;m jus lucky to have him... noeing y.. .coz actually i've been wanting to change... wel for the better... but reason y i never have the change to change coz having him ard n still couldnt resist the temptation to do sex... i gues no point changing if we still wanting all that....

but now its easier coz he's been to umrah... n he wanting to change... n isnt its better for me to grab tis chance to change too...

i noe its kind of hard for us to restrict ourself from doin those thing... but we can still try...

n i gues we made it today... an outing...without any mushy-mushy in between... congrats nasri...

wel i jus hope we can make it for the better relationship...